Crappy August ...

I'm winding down this month at the exact same spot that I started it ... I'm at 34.4 pounds gone. The past three weeks have been a roller coaster of stress eating, inconsistent exercising and just plain blah-ness. I won't go into the gory details. Suffice it to say that I didn't have my head in the game this month.

This week, I'm back to the basics again. I will be drinking all my water, eating all my veggies/fruits/grains/etc, and walking at least 3 times a week. I lost 2 pounds this week, which I consider a gift since I haven't done a single thing to deserve that loss. The next loss I get, though, I'll know I earned.

Two steps forward, one step back ...

I'm a little frustrated with myself this week. I blew my knee out running the week before last, so I cut way back on my walking this past week so that it could heal. So even though I really paid attention to everything I ate, the scale showed a 1.8 pound gain anyway. Grrrr.

I know I shouldn't be disappointed. It's not like I gained the whole 36 pounds I lost so far, but I felt like I was really hitting my stride and I wanted to keep up the momentum. Plus, it's sooo motivating to see myself losing consistently again when I felt like I was gaining/losing the same 5-6 pounds for a while, ya know?

But I guess that's life. And I've really got to look at the big picture. My total weight loss over the course of 7 months averages at a little over a pound a week. I know that's the healthy way to lose weight, and I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't a race. If it was, I would have signed up for gastic bypass and been done with it all.

Anyway, my knee is doing much better, so I'm back to walking (not running). Hopefully, combined with my under-control eating, this will make a difference on the scale Thursday.

** keeping my fingers crossed **

Ummm. Wow!?

I didn't post last week because, well, I didn't lose anything and I didn't gain anything. I was still doing everything that I need to do to stay on program (track my food, walking regularly, eating more whole foods, etc.) but I felt I didn't have anything to really report.

Today is a different story. I lost FOUR POINT FOUR pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't have any explanation for this, other than I think my body finally caught up with all the walking I am doing, and maybe adjusted itself accordingly??? I don't know. But to put things in perspective ... I now have LESS than 100 pounds to lose to make it to goal. And my total loss to date equals my 3 year old son's entire weight: 36.2 pounds. Wow. Just wow.

Okay, so I've got to keep this up. I'm so close to the 40 pound loss that I can taste it. So my big goal is to increase walking to 4 times next week. But I'm also going to continue to drink all my water, to write down everything I put in my mouth and to cut back on processed foods in favor of whole foods (like fruits and veggies and proteins).

I can do this. Heck. Look at me! I *am* doing it!!!

Heading in the right direction!

I had a loss this time ... a 3.4 lb loss, to be exact! I'm very proud of myself today. I feel like I did everything right this week to make this loss happen, and I felt GREAT doing it too! I tried to eat more whole foods instead of processed foods ... I really paid attention to getting in all my servings of fruits and veggies and also made sure to eat some protein in the morning. I didn't get in four days of walking, but I did get in three days. And the days I did get in, I ran (yes, you read that right) a few hundred yards for good measure.

I'm going to continue this routine through next week to see if I can kickstart a consistent weight loss. For a while, it seemed I kept losing and gain the same 5 pounds ... it's time I shook things up!

Oh, and I got some good news this week (besides my weight loss). A year ago, I went to my doctor for a routine physical. He told me I was at risk for Type 2 Diabetes and that my cholesterol was too high. He urged me to lose weight and start exercising (duh). It took me 6 months and two cancer diagnosises in my family for me to take his advice. Now, 6 months into Weight Watchers and almost 32 pounds lighter, I went back for another physical. Not only is my risk for Type 2 Diabetes gone, but my cholesterol is "perfect" according to the nurse (who also said she wished her bloodwork looked as good as mine!).

Nice, right?

I'm a runner!!!

Okay. So I'm not exactly a runner in the sense that I've signed up for a marathon, BUT during my walk this morning, I decided to see what would happen if I ran a couple of yards. So I ran a couple HUNDRED yards!

The result: I didn't die! AND, I've decided that I'm going to try to run a little bit every time I go for a walk.

In other news, I'm a Weight Watchers queen again. My eating is back under control -- I've made excellent food choices the past 2 days and I'm accounting for every piece of food that I put in my mouth.

This frame of mind that I'm in now is much better than last week. I need to do this more often.

Self-sabotage anyone?

I'm up 1.2 pounds, but I'm not suprised about it. I didn't take any morning walks for the last 2 weeks, I stopped tracking what I was eating, and I ate way too much. I can't even say that cared either.

And that's what scared me.

Is this how it's going to be everytime I hit a big milestone or start feeling really good? Is this how I reward myself? If so, then I've got to figure out a better way because this 2 steps forward, 1 step back approach I've been taking is not so good on my psyche. I deserve better than this.

So. I'm refocusing (again). I walked 2.5 miles this morning, drank all my water today, tracked everything I put in my mouth, and -- suprise, suprise -- I feel great. I also had a couple of a-ha moments today. The first came from a girl on the WW message boards. She was quoting a book she was reading and it said:

"People don’t fall off track because they do the wrong exercises at the gym. They fall off track because they stop going, just for a day or two, and then never go back. I’ve worked on this with thousands of patients, and it’s the habit and routine of exercise that lead to success.

Luckily, you can rewire your brain with structure and routine. Just take that amazing life skill you started building the first day you showed up for kindergarten and turn it to a new purpose. Show up at the gym. Think of it as a great job, which it is. It will change your life, slowly but surely, because once you show up you are virtually certain to do some meaningful exercise. And even if you don’t, you will show up again tomorrow. That’s the key – showing up again tomorrow for the rest of your life."

This just totally resonated with me as I read it this morning after my walk because there I was deciding to SHOW UP yet again for this healthy life that I'm choosing for myself. I might have fallen off track for a week or two, but I'm not allowing myself to get totally derailed. I'm choosing to keep showing up (in spite of myself, sometimes).

My second a-ha moment came during a phone conversation with my middle sister this afternoon regarding my mother's breast cancer. I was flashing back to when I was 14 and watching my own mother deal with HER mother's illness and remembering how scared I was then for my grandmother -- and knowing how scared I am now for my mom. In that instant I realized that if I don't take care of myself and get healthy, I will be putting my own children through what my sisters and I are going through right now. I can't do that to them. Scratch that. I won't do that to them.

So here I am -- going back to the basics so that I can continue this journey to get healthy. Next week, I will post about how I walked 4 times this week and how I wrote down everything I ate. I'll also be bragging about how I got in all my water and fruits and veggies, and how great I feel!

Here's hoping, right?

A very, very, very good day.

I have good news and then I have GREAT news. The good news is that I'm down 1.8 pounds this week for a total weight loss of 29.6 pounds. Woohoo! I'm excited, but I totally expected it. I walked 3 days this week, I stayed on program by eating healthy and recording everything I put in my mouth, AND I watched all my portions. It's a good thing.

However, the GREAT news is that I went shopping today at Lane Bryant -- the fat girl store. I'm embarrassed to say that right before I started Weight Watchers, I bought a pair of jeans there that were size 26/28 (FYI, they don't make them any bigger than that). I was mortified to be buying that size and I can honestly say that it was one of the things that drove me to my first Weight Watchers meetings. Since I've been on the program, I can't wear those jeans -- they don't even stay up on my hips anymore. AND, the couple of pairs of size 24 jeans I have from last summer are also reallly big -- they stay on, but I can slide them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. So I went to Lane Bryant today thinking that I needed to buy a pair of size 22s.

Well. Guess what size I walked out with???

Ha!!! I'm now the proud owner of size TWENTY jeans. Can you believe it????????

I haven't been a size 20 since my wedding day -- we're talking the year 2004.

So of course, I'm totally tearing up in the dressing room -- my poor son was wierded out that his mommy was crying while trying on pants. But this is bigger than any weight loss I've had to date. Seriously.

And the best part is that I bought size 18/20 shirts to go with those jeans!

So YAY me!!!!! And YAY for Weight Watchers!!!!! I can't wait for the day when I can say good-bye forever to the fat girl store. Woohoo!!!!!

Week of milestones ...

Before I start, I'll just admit now that I gained 0.6 pounds. I'm not upset about it though because I did everything right this week. In fact, I journaled all my food, I ate all the right things in the right amounts, and I walked 2 miles three times this week. I think I gained because my body is adjusting to the new exercise routine (walking in the morning), and because I ate more whole foods and less junk than I normally do. I think that next week, the scale will reflect all my hard work this past week. I just have to keep doing what I'm doing.

The milestones I want to brag about tonight are non-scale milestones. The first one is that I'm WALKING. I'm getting up and moving -- and I'm really, really enjoying it. As a mother of two toddlers, it's next to impossible to get some time alone with your own thoughts. But by walking every morning by myself, I'm getting a good 45 minutes to think clearly and get my day started. As a result, I have more energy and I can focus better during the day. I feel like my attitude is so much better, too!

The second milestone is that I'm taking control of cooking in the house. Don't faint dead away! Despite my limited culinary experience (we're talking soup and toast, people), the meals I've learned to make are actually pretty good! Most of the recipes I'm using are from Weight Watchers, so they are low calorie and fit well into my new lifestyle that I'm trying to create. I'm happy to report that my kids are enjoying the food, and that my husband usually requests second helpings! I'm actually relieved that my family is embracing this new lifestyle as well. I've always worried that because I'm overweight and my husband is overweight that our kids will eventually go down that same path. That fear is lessening now that we are ALL eating healthier and I hope that by introducing new and healthier foods to the kids at such a young age, they'll be less vulnerable to the mistakes I've made in my life.

The third milestone is that I'm getting so much better at planning. I actually planned our entire week's worth of dinners today AND made a grocery list so that I can pick up all the food tomorrow. I'm very proud of myself.

So, despite the weight gain this week, there are a lot of positives going on. I feel like I've hit another groove in this healthy lifestyle I'm trying to create for me and my family, and it feels great. Regardless, I'm crossing my fingers that next week's weigh-in is a big loss ... wouldn't that be so nice?

Time to get moving!

Well, I did it. I started a regular walking routine today. I'm very proud to say that it's a little over 2 miles (can you believe it??) and I'm getting up at least 3 days a week (to start) at 6am to do it. This morning, it took me about 45 minutes to do the whole walk. Not exactly Jackie Joyner speed, but I'll take it! Haha!

I'm wierdly excited about this phase in my weight loss journey. I feel like I've got the eating and portion thing under semi-control, and so now I can concentrate on bringing a little more consistent activity into my life.

I learned today that walking is very freeing. There's just something to be said about being outside alone with your own thoughts, doing something that comes naturally to you. And after my walk, I felt alert and full of energy -- in fact, my poor 3yo son was very confused when his mommy came strolling into the bedroom at 7am when it's HIM that typically wakes ME up!

Anyway, I'm going to stick with this routine for a little bit and see where it takes me -- I'll increase my distance whenever I feel ready. When I see some progress, and/or when the weather gets too cold for walking, I'll look into joining a gym or getting a trainer. Bur for now, this is working -- and it's free! -- and I'm a very happy girl!

Today, there is 10% LESS of me!!!!

I'm beside myself with excitement! I lost 2.8 lbs this week for a total loss of 28.4 pounds. That's TEN PERCENT of me GONE! This was a huge goal for me. HUGE.

Can you see me doing a happy dance right now?? Can you? Woohoo!!!!! I feel great! I feel lighter! I feel like I can do this for the rest of my life! YAY!

Okay, okay. Lemme calm down and reflect how I got here. Here's what I did right this week. I drank all my water (at least 48ozs per day), I got in all my healthy foods (milk, fruits/veggies, and protein) each day. I wrote down every single thing I put in my mouth -- even if I didn't want to (like the 2nd skinny cow ice cream I ate, and the handful of Doritos I just had to have).

I'm so proud of myself.

I need to bottle this feeling and remember it the next time I feel myself taking a step backward. I need to remember how good it feels to accomplish something that I thought I'd never be able to accomplish. I can do this. No. Scratch that. I'm DOING this.

=) Happiness.

Another step back, but it's okay.

I gained a pound over the last two weeks. I didn't weigh-in last week because I was vacationing in Disney World with the husband and kids, so this gain is over a two week period. I didn't track what I ate at all even though I tried to eat mostly fish entrees and lots of fruits and veggies. I also didn't drink enough water for how hot it was, and I'm sure the sodium in the prepared meals we ate was probably pretty high. I did, however, walk EVERYWHERE during the eight days we were on vacation. And I was successful at not eating any of my trigger foods (cotton candy, churros, chocolate, etc). In fact, I missed some meals altogether -- which probably didn't help with the scale because everyone knows you have to eat to lose weight.

This week, I'm back on track AGAIN. I'm getting in all my water, I'm writing down everything I eat, and I'm getting in at least 30 minutes of activity every day. I feel in control now that I'm back into my routine at home, and in familiar surroundings with my own food. And while I'm not particularly happy about the one pound gain, this is not the worst thing that can happen. I mean, if I lost that pound before, I can lose it again! Haha!

Well that's a surprise!

I'm down another pound ... and I did everything wrong this week.

After my mother's surgery last Thursday, things went downhill fast. The day after the procedure, I ate my way through an entire sleeve of Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches while I sat and watched TV -- kind of defeats the purpose of the "skinny" cow, huh? And then I gorged myself on Chick-fil-A sandwiches on Saturday instead of eating what I normally eat there -- a salad. There there were pretzels, gummy bears, an entire Baby Ruth bar, a half-package of Twizzlers ... the ugly list goes on and it didn't stop until yesterday.

And I lost a pound anyway.

I'm sure I'll pay for it at the next weigh-in but today I'm much better ... less panicky, less worried. I'm also eating within my point range and back to being accountable for what I'm putting in my mouth. I can't change what I did and what I ate. I can only try to make better decisions moving forward.

Someone told me today, "Just build a bridge and get over it." So that's what I'm going to do ...

I've passed the 25 pound mark.

I lost 1.2 pounds this week for a total weight loss of 25.6 pounds. I'm less than 3 pounds away from my 10% goal and I'm very excited!

In fact, my fattest jeans don't fit at all anymore. They immediately fall off my body. My feet don't hurt anymore when I wake up in the morning. I have more energy to do things throughout the day, including playing with my kids. I just generally feel great!

This upcoming week is another stressful one, so I'm just going to continue to focus on the basics (drinking water, writing down everything I eat, and getting a little bit of activity in every day). That's all I really can do, right? Oh, and hope for the best!

Almost another pound gone.

I'm down 0.8 pounds since last week. It's not a big loss, but I'll take any loss I can get these days. My mom's sugery has been looming over me, we're finishing some pretty laborious home renovations, and we've got our first family vacation at the end of this month. Oh, and did I mention that I've taken on some last minute freelance work in the middle of this? I'm just one big stress ball these days.

So looking forward to the next week and everything that's consuming my life right now, I realize I just have to stay focused on the basics. I need to drink a lot of water, pay attention to my portions, and make sure that I'm getting the right amount of veggies, cheese/milk, protein and activity into my day. With a little luck and some hard-core dedication, I might just have a chance at -- at the very least -- maintaining my current weight and maybe -- just maybe -- losing a bit.

Wish me luck!

Still on track ... 1 more pound gone.

I had another good week ... with this week's loss, I'm down a total of 23.6 pounds. To be honest, I was hoping for a little more of a loss so that I could stay on my mini-goal track of losing 6 pounds each month. But I'm not too far off that goal -- which is a minor miracle considering the two gains I had last month -- and I think if I continue to do what I'm doing, I can easily make up that .4 pound loss this month.

The cool thing in all this is that I'm less than 5 pounds away from reaching my 10% weight loss goal! Woohoo!

Besides losing a full pound, I'm also really proud of the fact that I walked six and a half miles on Sunday for the March of Dimes March for Babies! It's been a looooooooong time since I've incorporated that kind of activity into my life, and it really felt great. I can't wait for the weather to be warmer so that I can consistently get more exercise in. I'm not ready for a gym membership or anything crazy like that, but I think it would be fun to take the kids out for more walks in the afternoon ...

So this week, I'm going to focus on drinking more water (I feel like I'm just doing the minimum these days and I really should drink more) and I'm going to get better at tracking my activity. Here's hoping for another loss next week!

It's been a rough month.

I was about to give up on this blog ... it's been so long since I updated it. But someone mentioned to me that they actually READ it (gasp!) and look forward to my updates. And well, the people-pleaser that I am just had to oblige. So I'm back. And I've got good news.

I'm down a total of 22.6 pounds since January 3. It's been rough, though. After my last post, there was Easter -- and I wasn't very good about cutting back on that high-sodium ham. Then my mother had her cancer surgery the week after Easter -- and the emotional eater that I am indulged in every single comfort food there is. I gained 2 pounds over that three week period and just couldn't seem to get past myself. It was a sick feeling.

Then 2 weeks ago, I decided to go back to the basics. I went back to drinking all my water. I went back to recording every single thing I put in my mouth. I went back to watching my portions and making sure I had enough veggies and fruit in my diet. I also started tracking my activity level (something that is completely new for me) and realized that I actually wasn't eating enough to compensate. Who knew?

As a result, I lost 2.2 pounds last week and 2.8 pounds this week. Duh. All I had to do was work the program. Funny how that works, right?

What this past month has taught me is that it's okay that I'm not perfect. And because I'm not perfect, this weight loss journey isn't going to be perfect. And that's also okay because that's life. I have to take the bad with the good and just keep on keeping on.

So my goals for this week are to get more activity in (which is getting really easy now that the weather is gorgeous). I'm also going to continue to document everything I eat and I am going to focus on adding more fruits into my diet (since they taste better now that they are in season!).

Still going strong ...

I'm down another 1.4 pounds for a total loss of 19.6 ... soooooo close to the 20 pound mark, I could taste it! Haha!

This was a good week -- stressful for sure, but still good. I felt in control of my eating habits and even managed to add in some activity this week by taking long walks with the kids and doing some much-needed spring cleaning. I can't wait for summer to start up so that I can get more exercise in.

For the coming week, I need to focus on getting through Easter without eating both my kids' chocolate bunnies! I'm also going to try to stay away from high sodium ham and fill up on veggies and water.

Not bad ... not bad.

I lost 0.6 lbs, but this was a wacky week for me. I felt really good and under control the first four days of this week, but then I had a colonoscopy on Tuesday. Because of that, I had to fast all day Monday and most of Tuesday -- I wasn't even allowed to drink water! Then I didn't have much of an appetite after the procedure on Tuesday and on Wednesday, so I barely ate all my points those days. At one point, I was down 6 pounds in 24 hours (great, right?) but the minute I started to eat again, my weight came back up.

So I'm not going to complain -- after all, a loss is a loss. And all things considered, I've lost 18.2 pounds total in 10 weeks. Woohoo! It's all still good.

Anyway, I'm back on track today and working to get rehydrated. I'm also writing down everything I'm putting into my mouth and doing my best to make healthy meal choices. Hopefully, I'll see another big drop next week and -- with a little luck and hard work -- I'll break that 20lb mark!

Back on track!

I've lost 3.6 pounds this week for a total of 17.8 pounds gone. Whew! I did everything I said I would in my last post ... I drank lots and lots of water and wrote down everything I ate. I also did not go over on my points allowance, and didn't dip into my flex points too much. I felt in control and confident ... and I did it!

This is a big accomplishment for me because the stress of worrying over my mom has not gone away. I just decided to react to it differently -- instead of eating myself into oblivion, I spaced out my meals so that I was never hungry, and tried to work out my stress in other ways (like going to sleep, playing with my kids, going for a walk, etc).

I'm really proud of myself.

A minor set-back ...

So this week I gained 1.6 pounds. Ugh. I'm so annoyed with myself. I know exactly where I went wrong. There was that child's birthday party I attended with the yummy, greasy mini hot dogs in phyllo dough and then the brownies that I made with my kids that I resisted for a good 24 hours before I caved and ate half the tray. I don't even want to get into the amount of stress that I've felt over the last week ... more bad news from my mom's oncologist and the anticipation of additional surgeries in her battle against breast cancer.

So I'm taking this as a sign -- a sign that I can't ever just have one piece of anything sinful. I just don't have the will power yet to limit myself like that. When I'm under this kind of stress, and have unhealthy food in front of me, I will always give myself permission to eat as much as I can until I'm numb. Hell, that's what got me into this mess in the first place!

While I'm pissed at myself for allowing a gain this past week, I'm looking at it as a learning experience. I have to remember that my journey to lose weight is going to be a long one, and that there are going to set-backs. That's just life. But as long as I stay focused and committed to this journey, the weight will continue to come off.

Moving forward this week, I will get back on track by focusing on the basics. I will drink all my water. I will not go over on my daily points allowance (I won't even tap into my flex points) and I will avoid all unhealthy food choices until I feel strong enough to resist them.

With a little luck and a lot of commitment, I hope to post a loss of more than 1.6 pounds next week.

Adios, 3.6 pounds!

Despite the stressful week I've had, the scale was very kind to me today! I'm down another 3.6 pounds for a grand total of 15.4 pounds GONE. This means I've met my mini goals for January and February of losing 6lbs each month, and I'm already making a dent in my 6lb weight loss goal for March.

One cool thing about losing over 15lbs is that I'm down a full clothing size. So I can officially throw away all my 26/28 shirts and pants because they are way too big! People are also starting to notice that I'm losing weight. A couple of moms commented that my face looked thinner! Yay!

Some things I did well this week include drinking all my water, making sure I got all my daily servings of dairy, veggies/fruits, and oils in, and I wrote down every single thing I put in my mouth.

For next week, I need to get better at spreading my calories throughout the day. I'm still struggling with not eating enough during the day, so I have to eat a lot at night to make up the difference.

My Health is my #1 Priority

I started this journey as part of my New Year Resolution. Like a bazillion other people in the world, I wanted to lose weight in 2008. Heck, it even rhymes!

However, at the time I had no idea how important it would become for me to succeed. And in the month since I've joined Weight Watchers, my aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer that is now in her liver and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.

In a nutshell, I've been scared straight.

So in addition to eating healthier and moving more, I've got doctors appointments lined up in the next couple of weeks. I'm getting screened for breast cancer and colon cancer. In addition, I have a complete physical scheduled. I'm only 36.

I'm praying that the only thing that's wrong with me is my weight. I can fix that ... scratch that ... I am fixing that. But cancer better not get in my way. I have two beautiful babies and a husband that need me. I need to be healthy for them. I have no time for cancer.

Still losing in spite of me.

I lost .4 pounds this week. Not a big drop, but considering the week I've had, I'm not disappointed. My husband and I had a belated birthdays celebration. We went for a very yummy (but not so low-cal) dinner at Red Stone American Grill, and then we saw the Blue Man Group. It was a fantastic night out -- something we don't get to do often with two toddlers at home. I tried to make good food choices out, but I could have done better. I had the Jerk Grouper -- a light flaky fish that is low in fat/calories. But I had a cream of wild mushroom soup for an appetizer along with some awesome flatbread which kind of negated the goodness of the fish. Then I just had to have some blue cotton candy at the concert. *sigh* I'm obviously still new at this healthy eating lifestyle.

I also had my share of stress this week. My mom got a preliminary diagnosis for breast cancer on Tuesday. She has to go for a biopsy and an MRI within the next couple of weeks, then we'll know for sure what we're looking at. To be honest, after that news, I'm lucky I didn't eat myself into oblivion. It's the only way I've ever dealt with stress in the past. So the fact that I managed to still lose .4 pounds is a minor victory for me.

This week, my goals are to (1) write down everything I put in my mouth, (2) drink all my water, and (3) spread my points throughout the day so that I don't have so much left over at night.

11.4 lbs gone in 5 weeks.

I'm now 271.2 pounds, my pants are getting loose and I'm still feeling empowered/positive. This is good stuff. But last week, my weigh-in only showed a .8 loss and I was a little discouraged. The following week I stopped being so diligent about writing down everything I ate (which is not good) BUT I also didn't binge or make unhealthy food choices (which is good). The result was a 2 pound loss. Not bad, but I have a hard time feeling like I "earned" it because I didn't drink all my water, nor did I write down everything I ate. I also didn't plan what I was going to eat when we went out to dinner. All big no-no's if I'm going to be successful in the long run. I'm not going to beat myself up over it but I also can't continue making those choices if I'm going to have any success at this. I need get back on track and stay focused on the prize.

Looking back on the past two week, I realize that a big weakness of mine is to snack after dinner and before bed. I do keep the calorie and point allotment in check but I know it will help me in the long run if I stop the snacking and shift those calories into healthier morning and midday meal choices instead. Also, my kids' bedtime is between 7:00 and 7:30 pm. I've found that I'm staying up longer and longer at night to stretch out my "me" time, but that's when I do my most snacking. I realize I need to go to bed earlier and I'll be able to avoid all the snacking I do at night.

So -- moving forward -- my goals for this week are to (1) go to bed earlier so that my snacking decreases (2) go back to writing down everything I eat and (3) drink all my water.

My "before" picture.

I haven't let myself be photographed in a loooong time without hiding behind another person in the picture or insisting that the person taking the picture only take a head shot of me. So to see myself in all my glory head to toe is kind of shocking. I don't think I ever thought I was that big. But it's kind of hard to deny it now.

Wow.

This is what 274 pounds on a 5'4" frame looks like. This is why my feet ache in the morning when I stand up out of bed. This is why I have to take 6 Motrin every night to be able to sleep through the pain in my back. This is why I am out of breath climbing stairs. This is why I can't chase my 2.5 year old up the street and am tired after just 3 minutes of wrestling with my 17 month old. This is why I can't cross my legs. This is why my cholesterol is high. This is why my chest hurts when I overexert myself.

This is why.

Another 2.2 lbs GONE!

Woohoo! This is my third week on Weight Watchers, and I've consistently lost every single week. I'm down another 2.2 pounds for a total of 8.6 pounds GONE! Yay, me! I'm so excited!

I'm a little surprised by the loss, to be honest. This weekend was difficult for me because I was off my routine. I had to force myself to eat breakfast and I ate out a couple of times at restaurants that did not have their nutritional facts available on-line, so I couldn't plan my meals in advance. I also didn't consistently drink all my water this week, and I was also very stressed out -- a family friend passed away on Friday, mom had an abnormal mammogram and needs to go for more tests, and my husband worked non-stop through the week and was generally in a bad mood.

But I tried really hard not to do the "mindless eating" thing like I tend to do when I'm stressed (although I did catch myself doing it a couple of times), and I made sure I wrote down everything I ate so that I could account for all my calories. It helped not to have any really bad food in the house. It also helped to read the message boards on the Weight Watchers website for support and inspiration. But what really helped me was to stay positive and remember that just because I have a bad day, it doesn't mean I'm going to have a bad year.

I'd like to share a couple of food reviews in this post ... I love the new zero point Progresso soups. The vegetable barley was particularly flavorful and when I paired it with a turkey sandwich (on wheat bread with just a dab of light mayo), it made a nice filling lunch on a cold day! I'm also really digging the Fiber One Oats and Chocolate chewy bars -- for 2 points, it's a great mid-morning snack. Oh, and I'm loving the 100 Calorie Thomas English muffins!

I know I mentioned that I wanted to lose 6lbs each month for 2008 -- but that's more of a mini-long term goal, if you know what I mean. And while I still have that goal in mind for myself, I'd like to start making mini weekly goals for myself to help me in this process.

So this week, my mini-goals are to add more calcium to my diet and to drink all my water every day.

Week Two ... in control.

I've lost a total of 6.4lbs since I started Weight Watchers two weeks ago! That earned me my first 5lb gold star at the meeting, and bragging rights to the group. I feel good about that loss -- really, really good. Of course, I've got too much weight to lose for anyone to really notice that loss on my body for right now, but I can feel my body changing even if the world can't see it yet.

A great resource for me this week has been the Weight Watchers "100+ to Lose" message board. The people on that board are such an inspiration, and I've learned from them that it's important to eat "healthy" not just "low-fat/calorie." They also give great suggestions on how to accomplish that -- by eating foods high in fiber and making sure you get your daily servings of fruits, veggies, calcium, water, and oil into your diet.

So tonight, to celebrate my success after the meeting, I took a trip to the grocery store all by my lonesome to troll the aisles. I looked at all the ingredients, nutritional facts and dietary information -- I've got a million of those low-calorie snacks in my pantry, but I realized this week that I don't have a lot of variety in the "real" foods that I eat. So I chose a lot of whole grain side items for dinner (brown rice, wheat pasta, etc) and decided to add some dairy variety as well (like yogurt, skim chocolate milk, Laughing Cow cheese, etc). Some of the stuff, I've never eaten before ... some are old staples that I've just gotten out of the habit of including in my diet.

So of course, the grocery store trip took forever -- and I could have never done that with my two kids in tow -- but I came out feeling really good about the variety of choices I've added to our pantry for this weekend and next week, and I'm looking forward to trying out some of the new items I bought.

All in all, I feel like I'm much more in control. I also feel really encouraged by my weight loss. My mini-goal was to lose 6lbs this month, and I've already achieved that half-way through the month! Of course, I'd like to lose 6lbs EVERY month this year ... but I have to remember that my journey has to be about celebrating the little victories in the present, and not constantly looking to the future at the seemingly unattainable goal.

Baby steps, Heather, baby steps.

Week One ... it begins!

I've decided to start this blog as a way to hold myself accountable and to track my progress during my weight loss journey. Like most of America, my 2008 New Years resolution is to lose weight and get healthy. It's not the first time I've made this resolution, but recent events in my life have made me determined to make this the last time I have to make this resolution for myself.

So here it goes. This is the first time I've ever admitted my actual weight ... and I can't believe that I'm disclosing it to the whole World Wide Web!

On January 3, 2008, I weighed 282.6 pounds.

I wish I could tell you how the hell I got to that weight, or give you some insight as to why I let myself get this heavy. The simplistic side of me wants to just say to you, "Well, I have no concept of portion control, and I love to eat." But I'm sure that as I get further into this journey that I'll see it was much more complicated than that.

The past is the past, though. And although I can't change it, I can certainly try my hardest to reverse it! Just this week, I joined Weight Watchers. I'm attending meetings and using their on-line tools. In the first week on the program, I've lost 3 pounds and can officially say BUH-BYE to the 280s!

So Cheers! Happy New Year! And here's to achieving my ultimate goal ... less of me.