My "before" picture.

I haven't let myself be photographed in a loooong time without hiding behind another person in the picture or insisting that the person taking the picture only take a head shot of me. So to see myself in all my glory head to toe is kind of shocking. I don't think I ever thought I was that big. But it's kind of hard to deny it now.

Wow.

This is what 274 pounds on a 5'4" frame looks like. This is why my feet ache in the morning when I stand up out of bed. This is why I have to take 6 Motrin every night to be able to sleep through the pain in my back. This is why I am out of breath climbing stairs. This is why I can't chase my 2.5 year old up the street and am tired after just 3 minutes of wrestling with my 17 month old. This is why I can't cross my legs. This is why my cholesterol is high. This is why my chest hurts when I overexert myself.

This is why.

Another 2.2 lbs GONE!

Woohoo! This is my third week on Weight Watchers, and I've consistently lost every single week. I'm down another 2.2 pounds for a total of 8.6 pounds GONE! Yay, me! I'm so excited!

I'm a little surprised by the loss, to be honest. This weekend was difficult for me because I was off my routine. I had to force myself to eat breakfast and I ate out a couple of times at restaurants that did not have their nutritional facts available on-line, so I couldn't plan my meals in advance. I also didn't consistently drink all my water this week, and I was also very stressed out -- a family friend passed away on Friday, mom had an abnormal mammogram and needs to go for more tests, and my husband worked non-stop through the week and was generally in a bad mood.

But I tried really hard not to do the "mindless eating" thing like I tend to do when I'm stressed (although I did catch myself doing it a couple of times), and I made sure I wrote down everything I ate so that I could account for all my calories. It helped not to have any really bad food in the house. It also helped to read the message boards on the Weight Watchers website for support and inspiration. But what really helped me was to stay positive and remember that just because I have a bad day, it doesn't mean I'm going to have a bad year.

I'd like to share a couple of food reviews in this post ... I love the new zero point Progresso soups. The vegetable barley was particularly flavorful and when I paired it with a turkey sandwich (on wheat bread with just a dab of light mayo), it made a nice filling lunch on a cold day! I'm also really digging the Fiber One Oats and Chocolate chewy bars -- for 2 points, it's a great mid-morning snack. Oh, and I'm loving the 100 Calorie Thomas English muffins!

I know I mentioned that I wanted to lose 6lbs each month for 2008 -- but that's more of a mini-long term goal, if you know what I mean. And while I still have that goal in mind for myself, I'd like to start making mini weekly goals for myself to help me in this process.

So this week, my mini-goals are to add more calcium to my diet and to drink all my water every day.

Week Two ... in control.

I've lost a total of 6.4lbs since I started Weight Watchers two weeks ago! That earned me my first 5lb gold star at the meeting, and bragging rights to the group. I feel good about that loss -- really, really good. Of course, I've got too much weight to lose for anyone to really notice that loss on my body for right now, but I can feel my body changing even if the world can't see it yet.

A great resource for me this week has been the Weight Watchers "100+ to Lose" message board. The people on that board are such an inspiration, and I've learned from them that it's important to eat "healthy" not just "low-fat/calorie." They also give great suggestions on how to accomplish that -- by eating foods high in fiber and making sure you get your daily servings of fruits, veggies, calcium, water, and oil into your diet.

So tonight, to celebrate my success after the meeting, I took a trip to the grocery store all by my lonesome to troll the aisles. I looked at all the ingredients, nutritional facts and dietary information -- I've got a million of those low-calorie snacks in my pantry, but I realized this week that I don't have a lot of variety in the "real" foods that I eat. So I chose a lot of whole grain side items for dinner (brown rice, wheat pasta, etc) and decided to add some dairy variety as well (like yogurt, skim chocolate milk, Laughing Cow cheese, etc). Some of the stuff, I've never eaten before ... some are old staples that I've just gotten out of the habit of including in my diet.

So of course, the grocery store trip took forever -- and I could have never done that with my two kids in tow -- but I came out feeling really good about the variety of choices I've added to our pantry for this weekend and next week, and I'm looking forward to trying out some of the new items I bought.

All in all, I feel like I'm much more in control. I also feel really encouraged by my weight loss. My mini-goal was to lose 6lbs this month, and I've already achieved that half-way through the month! Of course, I'd like to lose 6lbs EVERY month this year ... but I have to remember that my journey has to be about celebrating the little victories in the present, and not constantly looking to the future at the seemingly unattainable goal.

Baby steps, Heather, baby steps.

Week One ... it begins!

I've decided to start this blog as a way to hold myself accountable and to track my progress during my weight loss journey. Like most of America, my 2008 New Years resolution is to lose weight and get healthy. It's not the first time I've made this resolution, but recent events in my life have made me determined to make this the last time I have to make this resolution for myself.

So here it goes. This is the first time I've ever admitted my actual weight ... and I can't believe that I'm disclosing it to the whole World Wide Web!

On January 3, 2008, I weighed 282.6 pounds.

I wish I could tell you how the hell I got to that weight, or give you some insight as to why I let myself get this heavy. The simplistic side of me wants to just say to you, "Well, I have no concept of portion control, and I love to eat." But I'm sure that as I get further into this journey that I'll see it was much more complicated than that.

The past is the past, though. And although I can't change it, I can certainly try my hardest to reverse it! Just this week, I joined Weight Watchers. I'm attending meetings and using their on-line tools. In the first week on the program, I've lost 3 pounds and can officially say BUH-BYE to the 280s!

So Cheers! Happy New Year! And here's to achieving my ultimate goal ... less of me.