Self-sabotage anyone?

I'm up 1.2 pounds, but I'm not suprised about it. I didn't take any morning walks for the last 2 weeks, I stopped tracking what I was eating, and I ate way too much. I can't even say that cared either.

And that's what scared me.

Is this how it's going to be everytime I hit a big milestone or start feeling really good? Is this how I reward myself? If so, then I've got to figure out a better way because this 2 steps forward, 1 step back approach I've been taking is not so good on my psyche. I deserve better than this.

So. I'm refocusing (again). I walked 2.5 miles this morning, drank all my water today, tracked everything I put in my mouth, and -- suprise, suprise -- I feel great. I also had a couple of a-ha moments today. The first came from a girl on the WW message boards. She was quoting a book she was reading and it said:

"People don’t fall off track because they do the wrong exercises at the gym. They fall off track because they stop going, just for a day or two, and then never go back. I’ve worked on this with thousands of patients, and it’s the habit and routine of exercise that lead to success.

Luckily, you can rewire your brain with structure and routine. Just take that amazing life skill you started building the first day you showed up for kindergarten and turn it to a new purpose. Show up at the gym. Think of it as a great job, which it is. It will change your life, slowly but surely, because once you show up you are virtually certain to do some meaningful exercise. And even if you don’t, you will show up again tomorrow. That’s the key – showing up again tomorrow for the rest of your life."

This just totally resonated with me as I read it this morning after my walk because there I was deciding to SHOW UP yet again for this healthy life that I'm choosing for myself. I might have fallen off track for a week or two, but I'm not allowing myself to get totally derailed. I'm choosing to keep showing up (in spite of myself, sometimes).

My second a-ha moment came during a phone conversation with my middle sister this afternoon regarding my mother's breast cancer. I was flashing back to when I was 14 and watching my own mother deal with HER mother's illness and remembering how scared I was then for my grandmother -- and knowing how scared I am now for my mom. In that instant I realized that if I don't take care of myself and get healthy, I will be putting my own children through what my sisters and I are going through right now. I can't do that to them. Scratch that. I won't do that to them.

So here I am -- going back to the basics so that I can continue this journey to get healthy. Next week, I will post about how I walked 4 times this week and how I wrote down everything I ate. I'll also be bragging about how I got in all my water and fruits and veggies, and how great I feel!

Here's hoping, right?