Look what the cat dragged in ...

It's been about 18 months since I last posted. I can barely believe it. A lot has happened with me and my family in the last 18 months, so this blog is going to take a bit of a turn. You all might have remembered that my mom and my aunt and my best friend were all diagnosed with cancer the year that I began my journey. My mom and best friend are doing great now -- they're considered cancer-free after a long and very hard journey. Unfortunately, we lost my aunt a couple of months ago. She fought a good fight, but cancer isn't a fair opponent. In the midst of all that, my father died very suddenly of a heart attack and I started a new job. I'm telling you all this because I wanted to give you some idea of the amount of stress I've had to deal with in the last year and a half. I'm sure a lot of people could overcome it without doing damage to themselves. I'm not that kind of person. As a result ... drum roll please ... I've gained every pound I lost on WW and another 30 just for good measure.

Do I have to explain how embarrassed I am? It's mortifying to see pictures of myself on this blog and then look at myself in the mirror. And although I *know* what to do to lose the weight, I'm so overwhelmed by the prospect of starting 30 MORE pounds in the hole from the last time I started my journey, that I want to just cry.

Anyway, I was going to let this blog die and just slink off into internet oblivion. I mean, who the heck wants to hear about someone getting fatter and fatter? But my husband and I made a pretty big decision last night and it is appropriate to share it here.

We're both getting the lap band.

It's something that I've been thinking about for about 6 months now. My husband just recently decided to do it with me (with no influence from me -- seriously -- I love the guy at whatever weight he's at). We attended an informational seminar last night and got educated a little more about the procedure. I've already made the appointments with the surgeon.

I'm sure this will turn a lot of people off my blog. I understand. A lot of people probably think I'm taking the "easy" way out or that I don't want to do the work. It's nothing that I haven't thought for myself, to be quite honest. The thing is, with the lap band, I *still* have to do the work -- the work I'm perfectly capable of doing without the band. The difference is that with the band, I won't be able to gain it all back, plus 30 lbs.

Anyway, I plan to update this blog weekly again -- it'll take about 3-6 months to actually get the surgery (there is a lot of pre-surgery objectives that need to be met). After the surgery, it will probably take over a year to get to my "ideal" weight. I'd like to have this place to put all my milestones and challenges.

I'm relieved to have made this decision. I'm excited that my husband wants to join me. It makes me optimistic -- for the first time in a lot of months -- about our family's future health.

Ummm. Wow!?

I didn't post last week because, well, I didn't lose anything and I didn't gain anything. I was still doing everything that I need to do to stay on program (track my food, walking regularly, eating more whole foods, etc.) but I felt I didn't have anything to really report.

Today is a different story. I lost FOUR POINT FOUR pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't have any explanation for this, other than I think my body finally caught up with all the walking I am doing, and maybe adjusted itself accordingly??? I don't know. But to put things in perspective ... I now have LESS than 100 pounds to lose to make it to goal. And my total loss to date equals my 3 year old son's entire weight: 36.2 pounds. Wow. Just wow.

Okay, so I've got to keep this up. I'm so close to the 40 pound loss that I can taste it. So my big goal is to increase walking to 4 times next week. But I'm also going to continue to drink all my water, to write down everything I put in my mouth and to cut back on processed foods in favor of whole foods (like fruits and veggies and proteins).

I can do this. Heck. Look at me! I *am* doing it!!!

Heading in the right direction!

I had a loss this time ... a 3.4 lb loss, to be exact! I'm very proud of myself today. I feel like I did everything right this week to make this loss happen, and I felt GREAT doing it too! I tried to eat more whole foods instead of processed foods ... I really paid attention to getting in all my servings of fruits and veggies and also made sure to eat some protein in the morning. I didn't get in four days of walking, but I did get in three days. And the days I did get in, I ran (yes, you read that right) a few hundred yards for good measure.

I'm going to continue this routine through next week to see if I can kickstart a consistent weight loss. For a while, it seemed I kept losing and gain the same 5 pounds ... it's time I shook things up!

Oh, and I got some good news this week (besides my weight loss). A year ago, I went to my doctor for a routine physical. He told me I was at risk for Type 2 Diabetes and that my cholesterol was too high. He urged me to lose weight and start exercising (duh). It took me 6 months and two cancer diagnosises in my family for me to take his advice. Now, 6 months into Weight Watchers and almost 32 pounds lighter, I went back for another physical. Not only is my risk for Type 2 Diabetes gone, but my cholesterol is "perfect" according to the nurse (who also said she wished her bloodwork looked as good as mine!).

Nice, right?

I'm a runner!!!

Okay. So I'm not exactly a runner in the sense that I've signed up for a marathon, BUT during my walk this morning, I decided to see what would happen if I ran a couple of yards. So I ran a couple HUNDRED yards!

The result: I didn't die! AND, I've decided that I'm going to try to run a little bit every time I go for a walk.

In other news, I'm a Weight Watchers queen again. My eating is back under control -- I've made excellent food choices the past 2 days and I'm accounting for every piece of food that I put in my mouth.

This frame of mind that I'm in now is much better than last week. I need to do this more often.

A very, very, very good day.

I have good news and then I have GREAT news. The good news is that I'm down 1.8 pounds this week for a total weight loss of 29.6 pounds. Woohoo! I'm excited, but I totally expected it. I walked 3 days this week, I stayed on program by eating healthy and recording everything I put in my mouth, AND I watched all my portions. It's a good thing.

However, the GREAT news is that I went shopping today at Lane Bryant -- the fat girl store. I'm embarrassed to say that right before I started Weight Watchers, I bought a pair of jeans there that were size 26/28 (FYI, they don't make them any bigger than that). I was mortified to be buying that size and I can honestly say that it was one of the things that drove me to my first Weight Watchers meetings. Since I've been on the program, I can't wear those jeans -- they don't even stay up on my hips anymore. AND, the couple of pairs of size 24 jeans I have from last summer are also reallly big -- they stay on, but I can slide them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. So I went to Lane Bryant today thinking that I needed to buy a pair of size 22s.

Well. Guess what size I walked out with???

Ha!!! I'm now the proud owner of size TWENTY jeans. Can you believe it????????

I haven't been a size 20 since my wedding day -- we're talking the year 2004.

So of course, I'm totally tearing up in the dressing room -- my poor son was wierded out that his mommy was crying while trying on pants. But this is bigger than any weight loss I've had to date. Seriously.

And the best part is that I bought size 18/20 shirts to go with those jeans!

So YAY me!!!!! And YAY for Weight Watchers!!!!! I can't wait for the day when I can say good-bye forever to the fat girl store. Woohoo!!!!!

Week of milestones ...

Before I start, I'll just admit now that I gained 0.6 pounds. I'm not upset about it though because I did everything right this week. In fact, I journaled all my food, I ate all the right things in the right amounts, and I walked 2 miles three times this week. I think I gained because my body is adjusting to the new exercise routine (walking in the morning), and because I ate more whole foods and less junk than I normally do. I think that next week, the scale will reflect all my hard work this past week. I just have to keep doing what I'm doing.

The milestones I want to brag about tonight are non-scale milestones. The first one is that I'm WALKING. I'm getting up and moving -- and I'm really, really enjoying it. As a mother of two toddlers, it's next to impossible to get some time alone with your own thoughts. But by walking every morning by myself, I'm getting a good 45 minutes to think clearly and get my day started. As a result, I have more energy and I can focus better during the day. I feel like my attitude is so much better, too!

The second milestone is that I'm taking control of cooking in the house. Don't faint dead away! Despite my limited culinary experience (we're talking soup and toast, people), the meals I've learned to make are actually pretty good! Most of the recipes I'm using are from Weight Watchers, so they are low calorie and fit well into my new lifestyle that I'm trying to create. I'm happy to report that my kids are enjoying the food, and that my husband usually requests second helpings! I'm actually relieved that my family is embracing this new lifestyle as well. I've always worried that because I'm overweight and my husband is overweight that our kids will eventually go down that same path. That fear is lessening now that we are ALL eating healthier and I hope that by introducing new and healthier foods to the kids at such a young age, they'll be less vulnerable to the mistakes I've made in my life.

The third milestone is that I'm getting so much better at planning. I actually planned our entire week's worth of dinners today AND made a grocery list so that I can pick up all the food tomorrow. I'm very proud of myself.

So, despite the weight gain this week, there are a lot of positives going on. I feel like I've hit another groove in this healthy lifestyle I'm trying to create for me and my family, and it feels great. Regardless, I'm crossing my fingers that next week's weigh-in is a big loss ... wouldn't that be so nice?

Time to get moving!

Well, I did it. I started a regular walking routine today. I'm very proud to say that it's a little over 2 miles (can you believe it??) and I'm getting up at least 3 days a week (to start) at 6am to do it. This morning, it took me about 45 minutes to do the whole walk. Not exactly Jackie Joyner speed, but I'll take it! Haha!

I'm wierdly excited about this phase in my weight loss journey. I feel like I've got the eating and portion thing under semi-control, and so now I can concentrate on bringing a little more consistent activity into my life.

I learned today that walking is very freeing. There's just something to be said about being outside alone with your own thoughts, doing something that comes naturally to you. And after my walk, I felt alert and full of energy -- in fact, my poor 3yo son was very confused when his mommy came strolling into the bedroom at 7am when it's HIM that typically wakes ME up!

Anyway, I'm going to stick with this routine for a little bit and see where it takes me -- I'll increase my distance whenever I feel ready. When I see some progress, and/or when the weather gets too cold for walking, I'll look into joining a gym or getting a trainer. Bur for now, this is working -- and it's free! -- and I'm a very happy girl!

Today, there is 10% LESS of me!!!!

I'm beside myself with excitement! I lost 2.8 lbs this week for a total loss of 28.4 pounds. That's TEN PERCENT of me GONE! This was a huge goal for me. HUGE.

Can you see me doing a happy dance right now?? Can you? Woohoo!!!!! I feel great! I feel lighter! I feel like I can do this for the rest of my life! YAY!

Okay, okay. Lemme calm down and reflect how I got here. Here's what I did right this week. I drank all my water (at least 48ozs per day), I got in all my healthy foods (milk, fruits/veggies, and protein) each day. I wrote down every single thing I put in my mouth -- even if I didn't want to (like the 2nd skinny cow ice cream I ate, and the handful of Doritos I just had to have).

I'm so proud of myself.

I need to bottle this feeling and remember it the next time I feel myself taking a step backward. I need to remember how good it feels to accomplish something that I thought I'd never be able to accomplish. I can do this. No. Scratch that. I'm DOING this.

=) Happiness.

Week One ... it begins!

I've decided to start this blog as a way to hold myself accountable and to track my progress during my weight loss journey. Like most of America, my 2008 New Years resolution is to lose weight and get healthy. It's not the first time I've made this resolution, but recent events in my life have made me determined to make this the last time I have to make this resolution for myself.

So here it goes. This is the first time I've ever admitted my actual weight ... and I can't believe that I'm disclosing it to the whole World Wide Web!

On January 3, 2008, I weighed 282.6 pounds.

I wish I could tell you how the hell I got to that weight, or give you some insight as to why I let myself get this heavy. The simplistic side of me wants to just say to you, "Well, I have no concept of portion control, and I love to eat." But I'm sure that as I get further into this journey that I'll see it was much more complicated than that.

The past is the past, though. And although I can't change it, I can certainly try my hardest to reverse it! Just this week, I joined Weight Watchers. I'm attending meetings and using their on-line tools. In the first week on the program, I've lost 3 pounds and can officially say BUH-BYE to the 280s!

So Cheers! Happy New Year! And here's to achieving my ultimate goal ... less of me.