Another step back, but it's okay.

I gained a pound over the last two weeks. I didn't weigh-in last week because I was vacationing in Disney World with the husband and kids, so this gain is over a two week period. I didn't track what I ate at all even though I tried to eat mostly fish entrees and lots of fruits and veggies. I also didn't drink enough water for how hot it was, and I'm sure the sodium in the prepared meals we ate was probably pretty high. I did, however, walk EVERYWHERE during the eight days we were on vacation. And I was successful at not eating any of my trigger foods (cotton candy, churros, chocolate, etc). In fact, I missed some meals altogether -- which probably didn't help with the scale because everyone knows you have to eat to lose weight.

This week, I'm back on track AGAIN. I'm getting in all my water, I'm writing down everything I eat, and I'm getting in at least 30 minutes of activity every day. I feel in control now that I'm back into my routine at home, and in familiar surroundings with my own food. And while I'm not particularly happy about the one pound gain, this is not the worst thing that can happen. I mean, if I lost that pound before, I can lose it again! Haha!

It's been a rough month.

I was about to give up on this blog ... it's been so long since I updated it. But someone mentioned to me that they actually READ it (gasp!) and look forward to my updates. And well, the people-pleaser that I am just had to oblige. So I'm back. And I've got good news.

I'm down a total of 22.6 pounds since January 3. It's been rough, though. After my last post, there was Easter -- and I wasn't very good about cutting back on that high-sodium ham. Then my mother had her cancer surgery the week after Easter -- and the emotional eater that I am indulged in every single comfort food there is. I gained 2 pounds over that three week period and just couldn't seem to get past myself. It was a sick feeling.

Then 2 weeks ago, I decided to go back to the basics. I went back to drinking all my water. I went back to recording every single thing I put in my mouth. I went back to watching my portions and making sure I had enough veggies and fruit in my diet. I also started tracking my activity level (something that is completely new for me) and realized that I actually wasn't eating enough to compensate. Who knew?

As a result, I lost 2.2 pounds last week and 2.8 pounds this week. Duh. All I had to do was work the program. Funny how that works, right?

What this past month has taught me is that it's okay that I'm not perfect. And because I'm not perfect, this weight loss journey isn't going to be perfect. And that's also okay because that's life. I have to take the bad with the good and just keep on keeping on.

So my goals for this week are to get more activity in (which is getting really easy now that the weather is gorgeous). I'm also going to continue to document everything I eat and I am going to focus on adding more fruits into my diet (since they taste better now that they are in season!).

My Health is my #1 Priority

I started this journey as part of my New Year Resolution. Like a bazillion other people in the world, I wanted to lose weight in 2008. Heck, it even rhymes!

However, at the time I had no idea how important it would become for me to succeed. And in the month since I've joined Weight Watchers, my aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer that is now in her liver and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.

In a nutshell, I've been scared straight.

So in addition to eating healthier and moving more, I've got doctors appointments lined up in the next couple of weeks. I'm getting screened for breast cancer and colon cancer. In addition, I have a complete physical scheduled. I'm only 36.

I'm praying that the only thing that's wrong with me is my weight. I can fix that ... scratch that ... I am fixing that. But cancer better not get in my way. I have two beautiful babies and a husband that need me. I need to be healthy for them. I have no time for cancer.

Still losing in spite of me.

I lost .4 pounds this week. Not a big drop, but considering the week I've had, I'm not disappointed. My husband and I had a belated birthdays celebration. We went for a very yummy (but not so low-cal) dinner at Red Stone American Grill, and then we saw the Blue Man Group. It was a fantastic night out -- something we don't get to do often with two toddlers at home. I tried to make good food choices out, but I could have done better. I had the Jerk Grouper -- a light flaky fish that is low in fat/calories. But I had a cream of wild mushroom soup for an appetizer along with some awesome flatbread which kind of negated the goodness of the fish. Then I just had to have some blue cotton candy at the concert. *sigh* I'm obviously still new at this healthy eating lifestyle.

I also had my share of stress this week. My mom got a preliminary diagnosis for breast cancer on Tuesday. She has to go for a biopsy and an MRI within the next couple of weeks, then we'll know for sure what we're looking at. To be honest, after that news, I'm lucky I didn't eat myself into oblivion. It's the only way I've ever dealt with stress in the past. So the fact that I managed to still lose .4 pounds is a minor victory for me.

This week, my goals are to (1) write down everything I put in my mouth, (2) drink all my water, and (3) spread my points throughout the day so that I don't have so much left over at night.

11.4 lbs gone in 5 weeks.

I'm now 271.2 pounds, my pants are getting loose and I'm still feeling empowered/positive. This is good stuff. But last week, my weigh-in only showed a .8 loss and I was a little discouraged. The following week I stopped being so diligent about writing down everything I ate (which is not good) BUT I also didn't binge or make unhealthy food choices (which is good). The result was a 2 pound loss. Not bad, but I have a hard time feeling like I "earned" it because I didn't drink all my water, nor did I write down everything I ate. I also didn't plan what I was going to eat when we went out to dinner. All big no-no's if I'm going to be successful in the long run. I'm not going to beat myself up over it but I also can't continue making those choices if I'm going to have any success at this. I need get back on track and stay focused on the prize.

Looking back on the past two week, I realize that a big weakness of mine is to snack after dinner and before bed. I do keep the calorie and point allotment in check but I know it will help me in the long run if I stop the snacking and shift those calories into healthier morning and midday meal choices instead. Also, my kids' bedtime is between 7:00 and 7:30 pm. I've found that I'm staying up longer and longer at night to stretch out my "me" time, but that's when I do my most snacking. I realize I need to go to bed earlier and I'll be able to avoid all the snacking I do at night.

So -- moving forward -- my goals for this week are to (1) go to bed earlier so that my snacking decreases (2) go back to writing down everything I eat and (3) drink all my water.

My "before" picture.

I haven't let myself be photographed in a loooong time without hiding behind another person in the picture or insisting that the person taking the picture only take a head shot of me. So to see myself in all my glory head to toe is kind of shocking. I don't think I ever thought I was that big. But it's kind of hard to deny it now.

Wow.

This is what 274 pounds on a 5'4" frame looks like. This is why my feet ache in the morning when I stand up out of bed. This is why I have to take 6 Motrin every night to be able to sleep through the pain in my back. This is why I am out of breath climbing stairs. This is why I can't chase my 2.5 year old up the street and am tired after just 3 minutes of wrestling with my 17 month old. This is why I can't cross my legs. This is why my cholesterol is high. This is why my chest hurts when I overexert myself.

This is why.

Another 2.2 lbs GONE!

Woohoo! This is my third week on Weight Watchers, and I've consistently lost every single week. I'm down another 2.2 pounds for a total of 8.6 pounds GONE! Yay, me! I'm so excited!

I'm a little surprised by the loss, to be honest. This weekend was difficult for me because I was off my routine. I had to force myself to eat breakfast and I ate out a couple of times at restaurants that did not have their nutritional facts available on-line, so I couldn't plan my meals in advance. I also didn't consistently drink all my water this week, and I was also very stressed out -- a family friend passed away on Friday, mom had an abnormal mammogram and needs to go for more tests, and my husband worked non-stop through the week and was generally in a bad mood.

But I tried really hard not to do the "mindless eating" thing like I tend to do when I'm stressed (although I did catch myself doing it a couple of times), and I made sure I wrote down everything I ate so that I could account for all my calories. It helped not to have any really bad food in the house. It also helped to read the message boards on the Weight Watchers website for support and inspiration. But what really helped me was to stay positive and remember that just because I have a bad day, it doesn't mean I'm going to have a bad year.

I'd like to share a couple of food reviews in this post ... I love the new zero point Progresso soups. The vegetable barley was particularly flavorful and when I paired it with a turkey sandwich (on wheat bread with just a dab of light mayo), it made a nice filling lunch on a cold day! I'm also really digging the Fiber One Oats and Chocolate chewy bars -- for 2 points, it's a great mid-morning snack. Oh, and I'm loving the 100 Calorie Thomas English muffins!

I know I mentioned that I wanted to lose 6lbs each month for 2008 -- but that's more of a mini-long term goal, if you know what I mean. And while I still have that goal in mind for myself, I'd like to start making mini weekly goals for myself to help me in this process.

So this week, my mini-goals are to add more calcium to my diet and to drink all my water every day.