Look what the cat dragged in ...

It's been about 18 months since I last posted. I can barely believe it. A lot has happened with me and my family in the last 18 months, so this blog is going to take a bit of a turn. You all might have remembered that my mom and my aunt and my best friend were all diagnosed with cancer the year that I began my journey. My mom and best friend are doing great now -- they're considered cancer-free after a long and very hard journey. Unfortunately, we lost my aunt a couple of months ago. She fought a good fight, but cancer isn't a fair opponent. In the midst of all that, my father died very suddenly of a heart attack and I started a new job. I'm telling you all this because I wanted to give you some idea of the amount of stress I've had to deal with in the last year and a half. I'm sure a lot of people could overcome it without doing damage to themselves. I'm not that kind of person. As a result ... drum roll please ... I've gained every pound I lost on WW and another 30 just for good measure.

Do I have to explain how embarrassed I am? It's mortifying to see pictures of myself on this blog and then look at myself in the mirror. And although I *know* what to do to lose the weight, I'm so overwhelmed by the prospect of starting 30 MORE pounds in the hole from the last time I started my journey, that I want to just cry.

Anyway, I was going to let this blog die and just slink off into internet oblivion. I mean, who the heck wants to hear about someone getting fatter and fatter? But my husband and I made a pretty big decision last night and it is appropriate to share it here.

We're both getting the lap band.

It's something that I've been thinking about for about 6 months now. My husband just recently decided to do it with me (with no influence from me -- seriously -- I love the guy at whatever weight he's at). We attended an informational seminar last night and got educated a little more about the procedure. I've already made the appointments with the surgeon.

I'm sure this will turn a lot of people off my blog. I understand. A lot of people probably think I'm taking the "easy" way out or that I don't want to do the work. It's nothing that I haven't thought for myself, to be quite honest. The thing is, with the lap band, I *still* have to do the work -- the work I'm perfectly capable of doing without the band. The difference is that with the band, I won't be able to gain it all back, plus 30 lbs.

Anyway, I plan to update this blog weekly again -- it'll take about 3-6 months to actually get the surgery (there is a lot of pre-surgery objectives that need to be met). After the surgery, it will probably take over a year to get to my "ideal" weight. I'd like to have this place to put all my milestones and challenges.

I'm relieved to have made this decision. I'm excited that my husband wants to join me. It makes me optimistic -- for the first time in a lot of months -- about our family's future health.

Crappy August ...

I'm winding down this month at the exact same spot that I started it ... I'm at 34.4 pounds gone. The past three weeks have been a roller coaster of stress eating, inconsistent exercising and just plain blah-ness. I won't go into the gory details. Suffice it to say that I didn't have my head in the game this month.

This week, I'm back to the basics again. I will be drinking all my water, eating all my veggies/fruits/grains/etc, and walking at least 3 times a week. I lost 2 pounds this week, which I consider a gift since I haven't done a single thing to deserve that loss. The next loss I get, though, I'll know I earned.

Two steps forward, one step back ...

I'm a little frustrated with myself this week. I blew my knee out running the week before last, so I cut way back on my walking this past week so that it could heal. So even though I really paid attention to everything I ate, the scale showed a 1.8 pound gain anyway. Grrrr.

I know I shouldn't be disappointed. It's not like I gained the whole 36 pounds I lost so far, but I felt like I was really hitting my stride and I wanted to keep up the momentum. Plus, it's sooo motivating to see myself losing consistently again when I felt like I was gaining/losing the same 5-6 pounds for a while, ya know?

But I guess that's life. And I've really got to look at the big picture. My total weight loss over the course of 7 months averages at a little over a pound a week. I know that's the healthy way to lose weight, and I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't a race. If it was, I would have signed up for gastic bypass and been done with it all.

Anyway, my knee is doing much better, so I'm back to walking (not running). Hopefully, combined with my under-control eating, this will make a difference on the scale Thursday.

** keeping my fingers crossed **